When I completed my previous works, I had always had a specific plan in mind which was almost immediately debunked upon the completion of the piece. It seems as if my work needs a more fluid and malleable interpretation that is not constructed from a rigid plan; in all honesty the art does not want to be concretely directed and instead wants to flow uninhibited from me and into the world. There is always a battle which occurs within my head about what my MENTAL processes want the imagery to look like and what my BODY actually creates. This can be quite distressing at times, and indeed I looked upon many of my works of last semester in utter despair before closer examination revealed a new lens through which I could view my past. The ability of my mind to impede my body is not something which I feel will be productive in the macro perspective of my future, for I know myself well enough to ultimately see frustration winning over my desire to create.
With this in mind, I have begun taking steps to exercise the surrender of my mind to my body and its intuitive nature, which has indeed proven to be difficult. I feel that my works this semester want to be large, and while I entertain the romantic notions of an uninhibited pursuit of art I do have to remember that I'm a broke grad student with limited resources at hand. This is where my handy iPad comes into play! It allows me to draw, paint, and conceptualize prototypes without any fear of waste or irreversible mistakes. The images I have posted are two intuition experiments that I have completed, where I physically engage in art and remove my mind from the process, working entirely by intuition and emotion. I do have a few new themes that I keep way in the back of my mind to give my body a purpose, but I am working to minimize the extent to which the theme dictates the imagery. I know I want to not recreate moments, but to illustrate how the moments felt without being too heavy handed with strict narration. For example, in college I began to obsess over my body due to several factors, including the inevitable erosion of my body due to my diabetes and my superficial worth as an attractive homosexual man. I don't want to say to people: my body is deteriorating and I suffer from dysmorphia, but rather: this is how my deterioration feels to me and this is how my physical obsession feels to me. This is far more personal and moves away from the realm of the pedantic, which has been a constant struggle in the past.
And so I look to methods of measuring my current emotional interpretation of my undergraduate development, which I'm positive will change as I work on my pieces and that I hope will remain evident in the final product. You will see not an illustration of a single event, but evidence of a pursuit of discovery that is traceable throughout the surfaces of my art. With what materials I will use to realize this I'm not entirely sure yet, but the question of which forces carved the deepest trenches in the construct of my personal development will provide the clues I need to decide.