tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229290352024-03-13T06:45:05.305-07:00R.J. PeñaDoodles and thoughts that go into my art, both painting and sculpture and otherwise.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.comBlogger187125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-7567381252365951452017-01-11T09:57:00.001-08:002017-01-11T09:57:40.159-08:00"The Idle Majority"<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_t">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UEprHqZoGqM/WHZx0o3oZjI/AAAAAAAADH4/Fx4ZHjrh5sEjDmTzgSCbKPe7KGgFhZKMQCLcB/s1600/IMG_0145.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UEprHqZoGqM/WHZx0o3oZjI/AAAAAAAADH4/Fx4ZHjrh5sEjDmTzgSCbKPe7KGgFhZKMQCLcB/s640/IMG_0145.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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In the
days following the election, amid the shock, numbness, and utter
disbelief, I remember walking down the street and seeing all the
"normal" people go by me, chatting excitedly about the spectacle of it
all while having coffee or window-shopping or just going about their day
to day business like nothing had happened. It felt so strange to me,
completely out of synch with how I was feeling. I could not understand
why people weren't feeling like the world was about to implode or why
there was such an absence of fear in their faces. I began to realize
that many of these people may actually have voted for Trump, as many
people I know have proclaimed on social media since he won. I
immediately felt distrust and paranoia at not knowing who would stand up
for me or who would stand idly by or cheering on while my rights were
stripped away and the progress we have fought so hard for over the last
decade was reversed. That's when my second realization came. It's so
obvious, it has always been there, I've always known it, but the weight
hit me with a force I haven't felt since I left my conservative high
school and hometown far behind me.<br />
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I am a minority.<br />
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What
this means is that in a sea of people I am statistically isolated and
alone. The things that dramatically affect me the majority have never
experienced, cannot empathize with, and have chosen to ignore when it
meant the most. I was among millions who would not stand up for me. I
am among those who will justify and rationalize the most obvious
perversions because it is easier than doing the work it takes to gain a
broader understanding. This was made all the heavier by the fact that
now I knew there were none in power who are willing to protect me.<br />
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It was in this moment I came to the selfish realization that I had been
putting too much energy into people who do not and cannot understand
what it is like to be a minority. People who have never been verbally,
physically, or legally attacked because of who they are cannot imagine
the fear and loneliness I feel and will not be made to understand.
There are, however, people who do understand and who live with the same
fear as me. These people will stand up for me because a fight against
me is also against them. In these coming years we are going to have to
stand with one another because in all likelihood we will be the only
ones who will. These are the people who I need to cling to, to comfort
and provide understanding, and to look to for solidarity when the
majority willingly lays down in idle ignorance.<br />
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This was a very
selfish and bitter position to be in, but it is how I felt in the wake
of the election. I guess this is also why I continue doing these
paintings: To Refuse Undoing My Progress. This I why I <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/painttrump?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">paintTRUMP</span></span></a><br />
<a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/speedpaint?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">speedpaint</span></span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/digitalpainting?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">digitalpainting</span></span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/procreate?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">procreate</span></span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/ipadpainting?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">ipadpainting</span></span></a> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/trumpeffect?source=feed_text&story_id=10102055812128055"><span class="_5afx"><span class="_58cl _5afz">#</span><span class="_58cm">trumpEffect</span></span></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-1502467176703040592016-10-05T23:53:00.001-07:002016-10-05T23:59:24.409-07:00Inktober #3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BaW3kfU82uA/V_X0hCcXKpI/AAAAAAAADCg/GS9LVaeb224Dp5bR6VfxD1vfigoFsMVnQCLcB/s1600/IMG_0088.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BaW3kfU82uA/V_X0hCcXKpI/AAAAAAAADCg/GS9LVaeb224Dp5bR6VfxD1vfigoFsMVnQCLcB/s640/IMG_0088.JPG" width="479" /></a></div>
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Another reason to love October...costumed figure drawing classes! I still struggle with figure drawing, but I made it through. It's especially hard at Dreamworks surrounded by such amazingly talented artists, but also very inspiring.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-26761955206727874112016-10-04T22:19:00.000-07:002016-10-04T22:22:05.962-07:00#Inktober 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wwlyxuc3SXs/V_SN7ZVPjOI/AAAAAAAADCI/EAyqC4gAtiUMOVkzROTKUDYu3FHEvZvZwCLcB/s1600/Gate-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wwlyxuc3SXs/V_SN7ZVPjOI/AAAAAAAADCI/EAyqC4gAtiUMOVkzROTKUDYu3FHEvZvZwCLcB/s400/Gate-1.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Okay, so maybe not my best work, but I only had an hour before bedtime and not much around the house to draw, so I just drew our new gate. Giving the finger painting a go again just because, but boy does my hand hurt after that!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-14314958829147322952016-10-03T23:37:00.000-07:002016-10-03T23:37:11.350-07:00#Inktober 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uv_rlHNE9TQ/V_NNBz_EBcI/AAAAAAAADBc/zcB_d_w8gFsLzFYZFk1lMAhCssVdHo9YACLcB/s1600/honeyJar.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uv_rlHNE9TQ/V_NNBz_EBcI/AAAAAAAADBc/zcB_d_w8gFsLzFYZFk1lMAhCssVdHo9YACLcB/s320/honeyJar.JPG" width="320" /></a><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyjCemf8yzNnstcDxfZNyrsTp7sfpopiD2qxfSxdmtAsTAyxa8E58sYykut_GHxuO7JuiVPbQij2i0' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Here is my first #Inktober painting, which means every day in October I will do one painting of some type. I left my Apple Pencil at work so I took the opportunity to practice finger painting and a bit of abstraction. This was a giant shelf containing jars of honey in various states. It was really cool to see. Enjoy the image and the speed paint!</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-41133433826526367602016-04-19T14:24:00.005-07:002016-04-19T14:29:01.947-07:00Land Sketch 4/16/16<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Grove 4/16/16</td></tr>
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Beautiful Sunday afternoon at the grove. Finger painted using my iPhone and Procreate Pocket.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-66542567679337762942016-03-11T14:58:00.000-08:002016-03-11T14:58:00.595-08:00Time for snow!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--lDSwdZIUOE/VuNNIbJQPaI/AAAAAAAACPs/qld0rAky78AuI0h_CvIT3vZJWzMC5VWcA/s1600/IMG_0062.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--lDSwdZIUOE/VuNNIbJQPaI/AAAAAAAACPs/qld0rAky78AuI0h_CvIT3vZJWzMC5VWcA/s640/IMG_0062.JPG" width="476" /></a></div>
Prepping for my wintery ski weekend at mammoth! Thanks to Gavin for the photo inspiration.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-42510188126610659502016-02-24T21:03:00.001-08:002016-02-24T21:03:16.833-08:00Finger Painting 2/24/16<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H6lGiXuCelw/Vs6KTk2_qGI/AAAAAAAACOc/actFl6JXkjs/s1600/IMG_0007.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H6lGiXuCelw/Vs6KTk2_qGI/AAAAAAAACOc/actFl6JXkjs/s320/IMG_0007.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2/21/16</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HwORXlefozc/Vs6KgiWlcOI/AAAAAAAACOo/mOX67m8s9Jo/s1600/IMG_0002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HwORXlefozc/Vs6KgiWlcOI/AAAAAAAACOo/mOX67m8s9Jo/s320/IMG_0002.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2/15/16</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2/17/16</td></tr>
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Nothing like some finger painting on the iPhone to pass the time. Boy was my hand cramping at the end though!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-16562835306854605142016-01-12T13:50:00.000-08:002016-01-12T14:00:53.241-08:00Dreamworks Animation<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F2aBQx24KGc/VpVJuZssQVI/AAAAAAAACMI/A00_Vk1qKPQ/s1600/IMG_2549.JPG" imageanchor="1"></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vY_12hRWmrc/VpVJ-6g8WVI/AAAAAAAACMU/Jlf2cFkn0Xk/s1600/image1.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vY_12hRWmrc/VpVJ-6g8WVI/AAAAAAAACMU/Jlf2cFkn0Xk/s400/image1.JPG" width="300" /></a><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F2aBQx24KGc/VpVJuZssQVI/AAAAAAAACMI/A00_Vk1qKPQ/s400/IMG_2549.JPG" width="300" /><br />
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On January 11th, 2014, exactly 2 years ago from yesterday, I arrived in LA and started my first job as an intern at Culver City based Zoic Studios. I was in the last semester of my graduate degree at A&M and full of anxiety as I started my new adventure in Los Angeles. Today, I started my first day as a Lighting TA at Dreamworks Animation, and have finally succeeded in achieving a goal I started working towards 10 years ago.<br />
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When I started my undergraduate degree at RIT's School of Film and Animation, I really had no idea just how difficult it would be or how long it would take to reach my goal. I quickly realized that my artistic background was completely unrefined compared to my classmates who had years of basic art education already, and I was quickly overwhelmed by the seemingly endless weight of animation production processes I would need to master. That first year at RIT changed my life, both from an education and emotional perspective, as I began to place myself in the spectrum of my peers. I will never forget the friends and professors who shaped my knowledge at that time, and helped my start to define myself as an artist and filmmaker.<br />
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Unfortunately, the situation of entering the workforce in 2009 during the deepest pit of the recession blindsided me. I had worked so hard to feel worthy as an artist and felt it had all been taken away from me. I also came to realize there were gigantic holes in my skills and knowledge and I obsessed on filling them with unrelating ambition. With that mindset, it was easy to see how I began to burn out. I wandered around for 2 years bartending, personal training, doing freelance construction, and becoming complacent that I may never reach my dream. During this time, however, I met Gavin, my now fiancé and the love of my life, learned how to support myself, gained skills I never would have gained if I had been immediately employed, and began to come into my own as a person. At this point I decided, with a little push from my father, that if I was every going to achieve my dream, I needed to go to grad school and give myself a reboot.<br />
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In 2011 I started at Texas A&M in the Department of Visualization, and ironically found myself in a similar position as when I started RIT. I finally was feeling confident in my artistic ability, but realized I was at the bottom in terms of my technical skills: I had no programming experience and unfortunately discovered that a career in animation required it. For three more years I struggled with the ups and downs of succeeding in this new environment, alternating between hope from my achievements and despair at how much I had to learn. Once again, the people who came into my life, new and existing, supported me and gave me the foundation I needed to make it out of there in one piece, leading me three years later to that first internship at Zoic.<br />
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It's at that point that everything I had been through that made no sense in the past came together. After my internship, Zoic initially hired me for my welding experience which I had gained while bartending doing freelance construction and art commissions with Gavin. This led to me working on VFX shots for TV, meeting great producers and supervisors, and setting me on the path to Dreamworks. So many times I felt it was hopeless, that I had no control and only a selected fortunate few would ever be given the opportunity. Many of my friends had already succeeded and I still felt as if I was struggling to catch up. At times I felt the only thing I could offer was persistence and dedication, but sometimes maybe that's all you need. I have sent out hundreds of applications, received countless rejection letters and been let down by false hope and anticipation more times than I can remember. Now, however, I'm wandering around the Dreamworks campus with a doofy grin on my face, randomly tearing up, and incredibly thankful that I have had the fortune of struggling all those years. Though pain, despair, and exhaustion saturated so much of my young adult life, I would not be the person I am today without them. Thank you to everyone who has helped this 13 year old kid with a dream finally reach a place where he can live it.<br />
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:D :D :D :DAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-91260577570839053132015-11-07T20:31:00.001-08:002015-11-07T20:33:02.528-08:00Floofy poopy<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-I8jAwjV0qL4/Vj7QLh_KqyI/AAAAAAAACKw/fDi0Nl-NBOE/s640/blogger-image-604916513.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-I8jAwjV0qL4/Vj7QLh_KqyI/AAAAAAAACKw/fDi0Nl-NBOE/s640/blogger-image-604916513.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sometimes you just need to paint something like this.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-35541824762443008702015-09-16T17:58:00.000-07:002015-09-16T17:58:09.992-07:00Landscape Sketches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b5oX-71GmhA/VfoPmpIJg6I/AAAAAAAAB7A/roD3ahnArUg/s1600/LandscapeSketch_09.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b5oX-71GmhA/VfoPmpIJg6I/AAAAAAAAB7A/roD3ahnArUg/s320/LandscapeSketch_09.tiff" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DY3Y83LgG6Q/VfoPLWY-bLI/AAAAAAAAB64/2SdGFIGYxu8/s1600/LandscapeSketch_06.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DY3Y83LgG6Q/VfoPLWY-bLI/AAAAAAAAB64/2SdGFIGYxu8/s320/LandscapeSketch_06.tiff" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-76upQ37eBkY/VfoPLTAAs8I/AAAAAAAAB6o/frFFfqKwMeY/s1600/LandscapeSketch_07.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-76upQ37eBkY/VfoPLTAAs8I/AAAAAAAAB6o/frFFfqKwMeY/s320/LandscapeSketch_07.tiff" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m9ldAcZCB4A/VfoPLvwd2XI/AAAAAAAAB6w/KmChha1YoNA/s1600/LandscapeSketch_08.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m9ldAcZCB4A/VfoPLvwd2XI/AAAAAAAAB6w/KmChha1YoNA/s320/LandscapeSketch_08.tiff" width="320" /></a></div>
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Some more landscape sketches, this time including some scenes from near my house in Hollywood. We do get some beautiful sunsets here.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-55521341738800416552015-09-02T22:53:00.000-07:002015-09-03T07:48:20.400-07:00Landscape Sketches<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FgjVRQFK05A/VefeFSSjVfI/AAAAAAAAB54/K9ji4XqTZ2c/s1600/LandscapeSketch_03.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FgjVRQFK05A/VefeFSSjVfI/AAAAAAAAB54/K9ji4XqTZ2c/s400/LandscapeSketch_03.tiff" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Landscape Sketch 03</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x5p1oYw-ayg/VefeFDOyoJI/AAAAAAAAB5s/elLFIW0oRPE/s1600/LandscapeSketch_04.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x5p1oYw-ayg/VefeFDOyoJI/AAAAAAAAB5s/elLFIW0oRPE/s400/LandscapeSketch_04.tiff" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Landscape Sketch 04</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wvM3y_4uE68/VefeFRZqEaI/AAAAAAAAB5w/rjyVBvU0V6Q/s1600/LandscapeSketch_05.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wvM3y_4uE68/VefeFRZqEaI/AAAAAAAAB5w/rjyVBvU0V6Q/s400/LandscapeSketch_05.tiff" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Landscape Sketch 05</td></tr>
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Some more landscape sketches. One of the things I miss the most since moving to Los Angeles is the fall. Sometimes I get a little homesick for my days in college in upstate New York. About a month from now the skies get cloudy and there is a brisk chill heralding the changing seasons. Apple orchards do their harvests, corn mazes pop up all around, and pumpkins fill acres of land and are launched through the air by RIT's 1st year engineering students. Everything felt so alive and warm to me despite the chill, but maybe that's just me seeing the season through auburn colored glasses; my journey to and first days on my own in college, the season of my birth, and many happy Halloweens with my family as a child. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-61251072487163970092015-09-01T13:16:00.000-07:002015-09-01T13:17:29.716-07:00Landscape Sketches<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YSgcsDE8sZU/VeYGqRcFGsI/AAAAAAAAB5M/B0cpHVnDmCc/s1600/LandscapeSketch_01.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YSgcsDE8sZU/VeYGqRcFGsI/AAAAAAAAB5M/B0cpHVnDmCc/s400/LandscapeSketch_01.tiff" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Landscape Sketch 01</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Landscape Sketch 02</td></tr>
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Some quick landscape sketches I did on my iPhone while I was idling at work. I love how easy technology has made it to make art anywhere at any time.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-38900450716052864432015-08-21T17:19:00.003-07:002015-08-21T17:20:41.231-07:00Released<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BHM2jUAcVZ4/VdeuWX4XcuI/AAAAAAAAB4o/K--1njfLwA4/s1600/Released.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BHM2jUAcVZ4/VdeuWX4XcuI/AAAAAAAAB4o/K--1njfLwA4/s640/Released.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Another digital charcoal drawing. I am super-loving these photoshop brushes my friend <a href="http://artofjoe.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Joe Daniels</a> gave me to Beta test. He's a very talented animator/designer/tool developer and I know he may be putting these brushes up for sale at some point, so if you're interested visit his page and send him a message!<br />
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This piece is one where I just started throwing lines and shapes down and watched as they evolved. My last <a href="http://gunslingers19.blogspot.com/2015/08/unfamiliar.html" target="_blank">piece</a>, which was largely inspired by a great <a href="http://www.beritalitsphotography.com/portraits-of-molly/" target="_blank">photograph</a> of a little girl in a field and transformed by my emotional state, struck something inside me that I feel drawn to and I think needs to be explored. This method of drawing and painting allows me to let go of planning just a bit and get some shapes down, and then continually develop and refine them until they form a scene. This is similar to the approach I used when doing my <a href="http://www.rjpena-portfolio.com/#!embodiment-series/c5oq" target="_blank">MFA work</a>, but geared more towards literal storytelling. My goal here is to see if whether or not I can transform a raw emotional state into a coherent illustration without losing the initial energy. <br />
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I will admit that it's difficult to not be overwhelmed by mental editing, and I will need be vigilant about those nagging voices when I work. Hopefully, I have managed to hold on to the spirit of this piece and the experience will make its way into those of you who see it. :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-2060291927980776572015-08-13T17:32:00.001-07:002015-08-21T17:17:30.695-07:00Unfamiliar<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8zhm0V6AKRI/Vc0repS-izI/AAAAAAAAB4I/97_PrcOnidA/s1600/lost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="369" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8zhm0V6AKRI/Vc0repS-izI/AAAAAAAAB4I/97_PrcOnidA/s640/lost.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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I haven't posted any art lately since things have been so crazy: buying a house, Gavin and I renovating it ourselves in an impossibly short time frame, finding myself working on an unexpected overtime schedule at Zoic...basically barely having time to breathe. All the while I find myself stretched to an emotional limit and, as one of my favorite songs puts it,<br />
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<i>"Nobody told you the best way to steer when the wind starts to blow, and suddenly you're a stranger."</i><br />
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So, I guess it's no surprise that when I finally pick up my pen to start a drawing something like this comes out. This is one of those situations where I had no idea how I was feeling until I make something, and then looking at it my feelings have sudden clarity. Often these occurrences are the best artworks I have ever created, and all of them have been unintentional and life changing for me. I guess I just feel lost and overwhelmed and the biggest things I thought I was sure of in my life have suddenly become strange and unfamiliar. Now that I know why I feel the way I do I can start making decisions to alter the situation and I know that with determination I will make it through. I have certainly overcome some tricky obstacles in the past and this is no different. So here is to looking forward to brighter days!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-21060507655248287462015-06-30T14:57:00.000-07:002015-06-30T14:57:10.900-07:00ALC Day 7<div style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
This is it, the final day of the ride!! In total, 64 miles. If I thought the 90 miles of the previous day seemed daunting, nothing compared me for the feeling of 64 more miles today. My body is exhausted, my ankles felt as if they are hanging on with their last threads, I'm trying to motivate myself for another 4:30 am start for the day, and it's cold. As I got on bike and started the route I pushed myself through the stiffness in my muscles and forced myself to pedal. </div>
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The beginning of the route was surprisingly gentle compared to what we had experienced and before I knew if we were 15 miles in and approaching the first rest stop! I really couldn't believe the good time we were making and I drew positive energy from it. All along the route were people cheering us on. "Almost there," they would shout among the cowbells and thank you's, pushing us on onward as we got closer to our goal. Then the second rest stop appeared and then lunch, which we skipped to keep our wonderful momentum going. Finally, we reached Malibu and I knew that we were so, so close to home! This is where the ride began to get hard. </div>
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Malibu has some large hills. Not as large as what I've already conquered, but at this point in the ride I was so incredibly tired that I could barely make it up to the top. The world around me was beautiful but I could not lift my head to take it in. I just had to pedal, to focus, to put everything I had into my strokes so that my rhythm wouldn't falter. Malibu came with another challenge as well that we hadn't faced before: a dense population. There were pedestrians and motorhomes and, in many cases, no shoulder to ride on for fear of a car door suddenly opening. In fact, there was even a moment when a motor home blocked our shoulder, and right as we were passing into the lane another motorhome jutted out from the other side not even looking to see if there was oncoming traffic. With all of the riders as exhausted as we were this had to be one of the most dangerous routes we had ridden. But I swallowed my nervousness and pedaled onward.</div>
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Finally we crossed out of Malibu and headed through beautiful Brentwood for the final 8 miles to the finish line at the VA Center. To my sadness, the entire length of that last stretch was a steady uphill climb with bursts of steepness scattered throughout. I could feel my ankles trying to break and my neck felt like it was caught in a vice from the strain...and then scariest event of the day occurred. We had skipped lunch earlier in the day because we had decided to make a small detour to a burger joint a mile from the finish line. When we reached that point we had to start and stop a lot to figure out where we were going. Stopping is the hardest part on my joints because I have to land on my foot, which strains my ankle. Well, as we made our way to the restaurant something pulled in my knee and I became unable to put pressure on my right leg. Even to walk. I stumbled over to a table and immediately threw ice on my knee and started massaging my quads while being terrified that I would not be able to make it to the finish line. We sat down and took a good 45 minute break as we ate our burgers (which were freaking delicious!) and then I tentatively got back on my bike to attempt the final mile. My knee definitely hurt, but I was so close that I could not let anything stop me from crossing that line. Not even the short steep hill leading right up to the VA Center! </div>
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Every pedal stroke at this point hurt, and the hills cause my knee to scream, but as I reached the gates and heard the cowbells and the cheers, and then the balloons and crowds of people...I could barely contain my emotions and somehow found one last ounce of strength to push forward. It wasn't even half a second from my foot hitting the ground that I grabbed Gavin and completely broke down. All of the stress and strain that I had bottled up throughout the ride just flooded out of me and I sobbed. Not the iconic, strong masculine cry either, but a blubbering shaking mess. That didn't matter though; I didn't care that the crowd around me could see me crying, or that there were at least 2 giant cameras pointing at me snapping away, or that I could barely hold my balance; I was surrounded by love and compassion and had successfully completed a 545 mile ride on a bicycle. If you didn't know already, bicycles have always scared me and at January of this I didn't really know how to ride one. If it weren't for all of the encouragement and kind words from my friends online and the unending support of my fellow riders I don't know if I would have been able to make it. No other event I have experienced even comes close to the level of love and compassion that this one contains. We all ride because we want to make the world a better place and because we have all been touched in some way, whether it be friends, family, partners, or personally, by this horrible disease. And so we support each other and when one of us falls there are instantly hands to help us up and push us on. If we could bottle up just a small amount of that kind of love and pass it around the world it would be a much better place. By the end of this ride we have raised a total of over $16.2 million dollars to help in this fight and we have brought joy to every town we passed though. This is why we ride, and thank you, everyone, for helping me to do so.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BZ5soIfWaLQ/VZMQWx4mutI/AAAAAAAABss/ywtkLNobXys/s1600/alc2015FinishLine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="175" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BZ5soIfWaLQ/VZMQWx4mutI/AAAAAAAABss/ywtkLNobXys/s400/alc2015FinishLine.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Crossing the finish line!!!!!!!!!!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EESfULtcuMg/VZMQY1JCumI/AAAAAAAABs0/XY4qCM3e5HE/s1600/ALCDay7_anne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EESfULtcuMg/VZMQY1JCumI/AAAAAAAABs0/XY4qCM3e5HE/s320/ALCDay7_anne.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How we all feel.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-32683343276168250892015-06-30T14:51:00.001-07:002015-06-30T14:51:41.419-07:00ALC Day 6<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> Today I woke up and said, oh my god, 90 miles. How am I going to do this!? I was so tired at 4:30 in the morning, and while we found out what was messing up my ankles, they're already strained and overstretched and I just couldn't see how I was going to make the distance. We headed out from Lompoc in the chilly morning air and made the slow trek towards the mountains. Just when I thought I couldn't do it anymore, we hit a long downhill that shot us through a canyon and ga</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">ve a glorious view of the ocean. The first time I've seen it since crossing into the valley. The sight completely revitalized me and gave me a boost to make through to the lunch stop.<br /></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> At lunch I made a preemptive visit to the medic tent to get some stabilization wrapping for my legs and they basically turned me into a mummy! When we reached Santa Barbara (the only town that's lets us direct the traffic...we love them) we were greeted by a wonderful ice cream social that the town has radio ally thrown for the riders. Santa Barbara has been close with the ride for many years, and is definitely one of the favorite stops for all of the riders. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> And so I pedaled on and somehow made it into beautiful Ventura, which is definitely one of my favorite camps on the ride. It's settled on the beach and brushed by the cold ocean air. The sunlight warms you to just the righttemperature, and being sooooo close to home filled the air with positive energy. Tomorrow begins our last 64 miles, so the next time you hear from me I will have crossed the finish line!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k5CtQLB4vTg/VZMO8-N0wJI/AAAAAAAABsQ/Nu0cPniRxhw/s1600/ALCDay6_iceCream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k5CtQLB4vTg/VZMO8-N0wJI/AAAAAAAABsQ/Nu0cPniRxhw/s200/ALCDay6_iceCream.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ice cream at the Santa Barbara Paradise Pit</td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OmBgD2ROwkE/VZMO8w4uRHI/AAAAAAAABsI/EQiyb9LHLZQ/s1600/ALCDay6_meGaving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OmBgD2ROwkE/VZMO8w4uRHI/AAAAAAAABsI/EQiyb9LHLZQ/s200/ALCDay6_meGaving.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LQdBzT46tnc/VZMO-vawoOI/AAAAAAAABsg/qZTA6Y5C5HA/s1600/ALCDay6_mummy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LQdBzT46tnc/VZMO-vawoOI/AAAAAAAABsg/qZTA6Y5C5HA/s200/ALCDay6_mummy.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today's mummy wrapping for my legs.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SInzLjCLSVw/VZMO8yLqOjI/AAAAAAAABsM/96C-012XRJU/s1600/ALCDay6_meReeb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SInzLjCLSVw/VZMO8yLqOjI/AAAAAAAABsM/96C-012XRJU/s200/ALCDay6_meReeb.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and fellow Zoic artist Ryan Reeb<br />rockin' it.</td></tr>
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Red dress day! On this day, everyone in the ride wears a ridiculous red outfit and cycles in it as a metaphor for eliminating the stigma against HIV positive people and saying, "we're in this together." When we are all spread out along the route it's almost like a giant red ribbon strung along the highway and it's awesome. Everyone said that this day was easy because it was only 46 miles, but they left out the part where it was 46 steep uphill miles! Not to mention it was a very wet, drizzly, and super cold day to be wearing skimpy red dress :-p.</div>
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There were some great moments, like the old guy in the Minnie costume playing guitar on the side of the road, and some really difficult and lon<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">g climbs. The dresses we wore were all crafted by Gavin's mom and his adorable nieces, and we made quite a group pedaling down the road. I loved seeing all the children staring gawk-eyed at us as we traveled through the towns and I can only imagine what the inhabitants of the California State Penitentiary thought as we circled around the compound.</span></div>
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In the morning I visited the medical tent and they did some crazy tape job on my legs, which in combination with the pedals Gavin put on my bike made a world of difference! I was able to pedal the whole way without injuring my ankles further. Even though it was a short day in mileage (46 miles), it was a very difficult route and I am so glad to be in camp early for some extended rest. Tomorrow we leave Lompoc and head to Ventura on the beach, and we are only 2 days away from the finish line!!!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DvLIbxgq0Hg/VZMMWHW887I/AAAAAAAABr4/gNDV7igmsZI/s1600/ALCDay5_tape.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DvLIbxgq0Hg/VZMMWHW887I/AAAAAAAABr4/gNDV7igmsZI/s200/ALCDay5_tape.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Awesome tape job to help reduce the swelling in my ankles.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our wonderful red dresses!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was so cold at lunch they had to give out Mylar.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This guy was just awesome!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gavin stopping to watch for riders who need help while <br />I have a small frustration break.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-17143269508580549352015-06-30T14:25:00.002-07:002015-06-30T14:25:47.171-07:00ALC Day 4<div style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Day 4 brought many challenges. First were the "Evil Twins:" a two pronged hill making a 6 mile climb up 1800 k. When we got to the top, however, we were greeted with cold ocean air, clouds (hallelujah!), and the halfway point to Los Angeles! I can hardly believe it, but yes, at the end of today we have cycled over 300 miles! There was a nice long downhill on the other side, but PLENTY of ups and downs to challenge our already fatigued legs.</div>
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By lunch there was<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> a setback for me: my ankles decided to swell up pretty bad and the medics very strongly advised me to take the bus to camp and miss out on the 2nd half of today's route. It pained me to do so, but I would rather rest and be able to finish the week than push too hard and be completely out. So, I took the SAGG bus for the last 48 miles and am icing up my ankles. Tomorrow is a short day (only 46 miles in total!) and is also red dress day! That means Gavin, his mom, and I will be cycling in the red dresses his two nieces helped make for the occasion, alongside 2500 other riders also in their own red dresses. It promises to be an exciting day!</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All of us at the halfway point.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">so excited!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-11105792451341366632015-06-30T14:16:00.000-07:002015-06-30T14:16:26.202-07:00ALC Day 3<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> Today was Quad Buster day and boy did it bust me! I had to walk about half of it but the rest of the ride certainly made up for it. There were hills, there was head wind, there was an endless sun and blue sky, and there was a crazy dry heat. I must have gone through 20 bottles of water and my throat was still completely dry. I'm also starting to have a bit of trouble with my ankle but I'm hoping if I focus on my posture I can nip that before it becomes a bad problem. Tomorrow we FINALLY leave the desert and make our way back towards Santa Maria. Please send me your good wishes as we cross over the "Evil Twin" hills and arrive at the halfway point to Los Angeles!</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The infamous $100 hamburger club</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today's height map for the Quad Buster</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Crossing into the Paso Robles camp...Phew!</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-48128430177767919612015-06-30T14:01:00.001-07:002015-06-30T14:07:55.011-07:00ALC Day 2<br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">108 miles!!!</span></div>
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Today was a landmark day for me. Not only is it the longest distance in one day that I will ride on the ALC, but it is also the furthest I have ever ridden on a bike. And the ride was not easy. In the beginning we faced some rolling hills as we exited Santa Cruz, and then we cut into the Central Valley of California for the majority of the day. As we dropped in altitude, the cold air diminished and left us in a clear ski with a hot sun and wind like<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> you wouldn't believe. When the wind was behind us, I could coast uphill at a comfortable 15 miles an hour! But boy, when we hit a turn around a mountain and that tail wind became a headwind, we had to pedal like our lives depended on it.</span></div>
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The physical challenges, however, were matched with some amazing ones. One was the artichoke stop that had the most amazing grilled, fried, and steamed artichokes. Even artichoke cupcakes (which were freaking amazing!). And then the water stop where a woman bakes thousands of cookies over an entire year, storing them in her freezer, and then gives them away to the riders for free. It is that kind of love and dedication that makes this ride worth it and fills my heart with gratitude.</div>
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Now I am preparing myself for tomorrow's 62 miles ...uphill... on what has been lovingly named "the quad buster." Wish me luck!</div>
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R.J.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 2 Camp</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 1st time all of use reached 100 consecutive miles on a bike!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">108 miles complete!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The amazing Cookie Lady!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-91911697084356823872015-06-30T13:56:00.000-07:002015-06-30T13:56:05.330-07:00ALC Day 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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83 miles later and I have successfully arrived at camp in Santa Cruz, CA!!! We arrived at the Cow Palace at 5:30am this morning, experienced a moving opening ceremony with the presentation of a "riderless bike," which is a symbol for the millions who have been lost to HIV and the cause that the friends and loved ones continue to carry forward, and then hit the road. The ocean views and the cliffs were absolutely astounding and the brisk cold air pushed me forward mile by mile. But omg, the hills, and the hills, and the more hills that came. I swear none of them ever went downhill! But I conquered them and rode into camp triumphantly 9 hours later :). Now I'm stuffing my face at dinner and listening to the touching stories from today, and trying not to be afraid of the 108 mile ride tomorrow to King's City! Wish me another triumphant ride tomorrow and I will send another update on my return!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-89140316110948402432014-08-31T23:58:00.000-07:002014-08-31T23:59:39.359-07:00Camera Experiments<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v_lJmLq2LzI/VAQXysWcvbI/AAAAAAAABeI/vsVVLjnKtOw/s1600/skatePark_v1-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v_lJmLq2LzI/VAQXysWcvbI/AAAAAAAABeI/vsVVLjnKtOw/s1600/skatePark_v1-6.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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I went out to a park in Los Angeles up in the hills originally to test out my new Canon 60D photographing skaters in a small skate park, but as usual reverted to abstracting my surroundings. All of these images were created solely in camera, with only some minor color adjustments in Lightroom. No filters or composite layering of any kind were used to create the images. It truly is amazing what long exposures and inducing camera flaws can produce!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-90869545877225356052014-07-16T01:08:00.001-07:002014-07-16T01:08:56.084-07:00Never Let Me Go<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Looking up from underneath,</div>
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Fractured moonlight on the sea,</div>
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Reflections still look the same to me</div>
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As before I went under.</div>
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This is a song by one of my favorite artists, Florence Welch, from her Ceremonials album. It is hard to put into words exactly what goes through me when I listen to this, but I will do my best. As with all my artwork, this piece is tied to a place and a time, and, where before I focused on my past, my present is now pronounced and all-consuming.</div>
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As many of you know, I moved to LA after graduating from A&M and have been looking for a job. Coming up on 10 years now I have been studying, training, and refining my skills so that I may one day have a career in making animated films. My eye has never strayed from this goal; it has given me focus, direction, and stability in the way that a dancer focuses on a distant point to maintain balance as they flow through their frenetic performances. But, if you spend too much time staring at something, you can begin to lose clarity in the world around you, and the subject of your gaze imprints itself so that no matter where else you may look a specter of it remains. It is in this way, I fear, that the pursuit of my ambition has tainted my perspective and I can no longer see as clearly as I once could. Now, at a point in my journey where the ability to control my advancement is hindered, I find myself completely disoriented. There is no more schooling to provide sustenance or guidance for my trajectory, short term though it may have been, and I have discovered that achieving my dream is different and more complicated than I had known. I feel almost as if I am flailing, trying to remember the choreography but unable to decipher the rhythm that had once given me purpose. However, though my steps may be faltering, I am forced to acknowledge existence outside of my goals and maybe even the possibilities of writing another tune, or at least one that is slightly different, to align my dance to.</div>
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And it's peaceful in the deep</div>
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Cathedral where you cannot breathe.</div>
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No need to pray, no need to speak,</div>
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Now I am under.</div>
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My fear, at the moment, is that if I never am able to achieve finding a job at a studio, will I be able to put myself back together and live freely like I did at the beginning of my journey? Can I surrender myself to the will of whatever force determines the fate of the universe and find happiness? This is where the song comes in. Most people think it's about suicide, the literal story of the artist surrendering her life to the ocean and finally finding peace as she dies. I strongly disagree with this interpretation. It does feel as if it's a surrender, though, not of life, but to the emotion. Maybe even to something more ethereal, like fate, or love, or just happiness in general. </div>
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The ocean has always had a very complex meaning in my life, as several defining moments have taken place by waves crashing on shores. Maybe that's why the song moves me as it does. This is the type of lyrical and melodic fusion that is to me what religion is to other people. It harmonizes with my soul and guides me, gives me perspective, and erases the nonsense chatter that fills my head every other waking minute. What it makes me ask myself is, can I surrender my ambition and just be happy with where life takes me? To allow myself peace as promised in these words is something I could spend a lifetime trying to achieve, though I am able to on serendipitous occasions. Once when I was on a ship on the Alaskan ocean, chilled to the bone while watching an endless sunrise, once wandering around at night with a fever through what felt like endless outdoor gardens at a magical Mexican resort, and then again tonight sitting in the park under the moon painting this picture. </div>
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And now it's breaking over me.</div>
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A thousand miles down to the sea bed</div>
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I found the place to rest me head.</div>
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Never let me go.</div>
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There are very few physical of means of describing this emotion, but I can remember doing something as a kid that comes close. I don't know if any of you out there have done this, but when I used to play in swimming pools I would let myself sink to the bottom and just sit there listening. There was something very peaceful about the weight of the water around me, the isolation from sound, and the release of the control of my body. I could lay there suspended, perfectly still, forever if nature would have allowed. This is how I wish to be able to live my life one day. To let it wash over me and take me where it will, to surrender my desperate goals and find happiness with the peace. To find stillness of spirit. Wherever I may end up.</div>
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And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,</div>
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And all this devotion was rushing out of me,</div>
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And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me,</div>
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But the arms of the ocean delivered me.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-59496446169762932902014-03-28T16:17:00.002-07:002014-03-28T16:17:43.739-07:00Lighting Sketches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9M9WGbw5fr0/UzYCyL3i2mI/AAAAAAAABaU/L8N8qZerGGY/s1600/zoic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9M9WGbw5fr0/UzYCyL3i2mI/AAAAAAAABaU/L8N8qZerGGY/s1600/zoic.jpg" height="243" width="400" /></a></div>
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There was some cool lighting happening at work today. There are actually a few times of day where I catch small little snippets of cool lighting around the studio, so I'm going to try and capture them while I'm not working on anything. Might as well be productive!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22929035.post-17665847286853899692014-03-26T19:16:00.000-07:002015-05-25T09:31:32.942-07:00Attempt at a new color style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xGNcorghJhI/UzOJoN1Wi0I/AAAAAAAABaE/nt3ipCwLrgE/s1600/bucci.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xGNcorghJhI/UzOJoN1Wi0I/AAAAAAAABaE/nt3ipCwLrgE/s1600/bucci.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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A while ago, my professor posted this artist, <a href="http://www.marcobucci.com/" target="_blank">Marco Bucci</a>, on our class's website, and I've been dying to give his style a try. This is a big leap for me, since I tend to work very monochromatic and conservatively with color, and I will admit, being so bold with color choices scared me to death. I watched his tutorials for a good hour and a half before I felt confident enough to start making marks. But anyways, this is my first attempt, and even though in the end I started being to naturalistic again, it's a good start to breaking out of my fear of bold colors!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18308699259623682176noreply@blogger.com0